There was once a time where I thought everything is my fault. It was when I was in my early 20’s that made me think that. I was the young buck trying to make my way into the world so I wanted to take ownership and responsibility for everything. That’s the wrong approach.
When it comes down to it, thinking everything is your fault is a surefire sign of insecurity. What you’re really looking for is validation. You want others to assure you that it’s not your fault. Even if you think that way privately. You only think everything is your fault because you don’t know anything yet.
When you’re used to situations and let time pass, you’re more aware of when to push forward and when to push back. For example, when I was pursuing a diminished value case against an insurance company, they negotiated hard and pushed back. They kept saying no to everything.
So I started to even doubt myself. Am I even allowed to claim and pursue this case? Everyone else I talked to was telling me to “eat the cost” as well. No. That’s wrong. I pursued the case in court and won. When you’re thinking everything is my fault, that’s not the correct way to think.
It’s your seeping self doubt nagging at you. Ignore that part of your brain because it’s clearly wrong. I support following your gut. I do not support following your brain when it’s clearly wrong and incorrect. It may take a lot of time to get there before you ignore your brain but you’ll get there.
Time fixes everything.
Why You Think Everything is Your Fault
The first reason you think everything is your fault is so you can SMASH that social share button and post to your favorite social media! Your friends just may be thinking the exact same thing and we need to bring them out of their way of thinking. It’s a dangerous mindset.
So with that said, let’s go over the reasons why you may be thinking everything is all your fault. Even if it isn’t and you shouldn’t be taking responsibility in the first place.
1) You Recently Had Trauma
In early 2022, I got involved in a car accident in which the person did not stop at a stop sign and failed to yield to my right of way. I felt devastated. It wasn’t my fault because the police officer gave the offending driver a ticket but somehow I still felt responsible even if I wasn’t.
If you recently had trauma that was caused by someone else, you may still feel think “everything is my fault”. No, that’s not right. Someone else caused the accident and it was someone else’s negligence that led you to the situation that you’re in currently.
It’s tragic that someone else put you in that situation but it isn’t your fault. You’re a good person who refuses to blame someone else even if it was someone else’s fault. Accidents can mess with someone psychologically and physically.
I know because I’m going through the healing process and it isn’t easy. There are times when I wake up crying because of how painful that experience was.
2) You Grew up in an Abusive Household
Childhood memories are ingrained in us. Especially memories that make you feel sharp things. That’s how memory forms. Our brain understands and registers pain very well so that we avoid it in the future. There’s nothing more memorable about your childhood than the abuse you endured.
The yelling, screaming, and the like just doesn’t go away from your inner psyche. It is deeply ingrained in your brain with little chance of escape. If you’re thinking everything is my fault, take a look at your childhood. You may just have some unresolved trauma that needs to be taken care of.
How you know that you resolved the trauma is when you start crying or letting go of that emotional pain you feel in your heart. You can’t quite put your finger on it but you know exactly when that burden is lifted. It’s when all of the burning sensation in your body leaves.
Unresolved childhood trauma can be a permanent scar. It’s best to treat it now rather than later because the more you put it off, the better that trauma is ingrained in your memory.
3) Everyone Else Tells You It Is Your Fault
People LOVE to blame others even if it’s not the others’ fault. One of my prior bosses tried to blame me for not “managing his boss” when he should have done a better job being a boss himself. The results of his stubbornness led to 80% of the analysts quitting with 6 months.
Furthermore, Senior Vice Presidents were displeased, and upper management removed him from managing the team. I correctly laid out exactly why I was leaving the company and he was having none of it. He still wanted to blame me for not doing a good enough job managing him when it was literally his fault.
When you think “everything is my fault”, it may just be because everyone else is telling you it’s your fault. Not because it’s true but because they want to put the hot potato into someone else’s hands instead of their own. Life is about knowing how to ignore the noise and others when they’re wrong.
4) You Lack Confidence and Experience
If you’ve been through it before, you already know when it’s not your fault. Because I already have experience suing someone for diminished value, I already know when I’m legally in the right. When I’m legally entitled to collect that money and no one else can tell me otherwise.
I never think everything is my fault when it comes to claiming diminished value for my vehicle. You may just be thinking that because you haven’t gone through it before. It’s new and foreign to you so you feel like it’s your fault even if it may not necessarily be.
You need to let time and experience pass before passing a judgement and decision on whose fault it is. After a while, you get used to it and you can have a firmer grasp and idea on what needs to be done. Time is your ally when it comes to knowing things and gaining confidence.
Let time pass and you no longer think everything is my fault.
Everything is My Fault Is Good When Taking Responsibility
When it comes to you taking ownership and control of your life, it’s necessary to think “everything is my fault”. A great man is hard on himself but a small man is hard on others. If you’re born poor, it’s not your fault but if you die poor, it’s your fault.
You are the sole person responsible for your failures and successes in life. No matter how good or bad they are. Once you realize no one in the world owes you anything, you take control back for your life. Everyone faces hardships. Some hardships are harder than others.
This doesn’t mean everyone has it easy. No one has ever had it easy. But that should never be a reason for you to live a bad life. Everybody has an opportunity to pull from their bootstraps and overcome any obstacles and challenges that stand in their way.
No one is given the same opportunities, but everyone has the willpower in themselves in order to make it happen. To make something of their lives. When it comes to your life and making it better, taking ownership is much better than having the victim mindset and blaming everyone else.
Everything is my fault is a great line of thinking. No one made me be such a try hard in college, leading me to waste many hours studying when I should have been thinking of business ideas. That was my fault and I take full responsibility. My life is a product of my choices and I love that it is.
Why Thinking Everything is My Fault Always is Bad
When it comes to your entire life, thinking “everything is my fault” is not the best move. Let’s go over the reasons why.
1) It May Not Actually be Your Fault
When you start thinking “everything is my fault” you’re missing out on cases when it isn’t actually your fault. It’s good to take responsibility at times but it’s not good to take responsibility all the time. There’s no way you’re responsible for every war or famine that happens in the world.
There’s no way you’re responsible for every person’s misery. That’s not how it works. Some people are miserable all on their own no matter how great of a person you are. Once you start to shift from that way of thinking, doors open up to you. The day I started shifting away from that thinking was in my late 20’s.
I was having physiological problems with my stomach which was causing my psyche and general overall sense of being to deteriorate. I didn’t even know that’s why I was feeling so bad about myself all these years but fixing my health problems helped me trend in the right direction in realizing when something isn’t my fault.
Being hard on yourself is good, being too hard on yourself is bad.
2) Other People Will Take Advantage of You
People are self interested creatures. When they see that you’re the type to blame yourself even when they’re the ones at fault, they will take advantage of you. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. They’re not going to take the blame themselves when they already have a scapegoat to take the blame for them.
When you think “everything is my fault” some people may be understanding and give you validation. Most people will use that information for their own benefit. They will make sure to bring it up and use it against you if it suits their purposes and interests.
That’s why this is not the best line of thinking always. There are real people out there in the world ready to take advantage of the weak. Not when it comes to personal relationships. But when it comes to business, people will not be shy about pressing their advantage against you.
Protect yourself because no one is going to protect yourself for you.
3) Self Abuse
When you think “everything is my fault”, it’s actually a form of self abuse. You’re abusing yourself and punishing yourself because you don’t think you’re worthy. Or you don’t think that you deserve everything good that’s happening in your life. That’s classic self abuse.
Then when someone else abuses you, you think you deserve to be abused. That’s a horrible way of thinking. I’ve been there before and I’m so glad that I’m out of that line of thinking. I don’t know just how much worse my life would have been if I let that continue in my life.
Self abuse is a psychological phenomenon that some people go through. Its sibling problem is imposter syndrome. Both are bad and needs to be addressed quickly. You deserve to make the money you’re making. You deserve the good life you have right now.
Don’t let yourself stop you from achieving greatness. You don’t want to be your own greatest enemy.
4) Heart Problems
Whenever I say “everything is my fault” or even just think that it is, my heart starts hurting. There’s a burning sensation that I feel whenever I think that way. I don’t know what the long term implications of feelings this way is but it just can’t be good. Heart health matters.
Yes, this is just an anecdotal example. However, if there’s a chance it can better your heart health with just a simple change in the mindset, there’s no reason why you wouldn’t implement the changes. One in every 5 deaths in the United States in 2020 was due to heart problems.
If there’s no other health problem that you want to prepare for, heart is definitely the number one of concern to you. There’s already many health problems we can have on a day to day basis. Whenever we can avoid the biggest health problems, we always should.
Life is one worth living a long time for.
Everything is My Fault: Be Careful
I used to always blame myself because everyone told me to “take responsibility for your life”. However, I took it too far. I literally thought “everything is my fault”. That’s not a good mindset to have. It put me in more problematic situations than the alternative line of thinking.
People WILL take advantage of you. There’s no free lunches. If you are offering up vulnerability to another human being, they’re going to take your lunch money and clean your clock instead of helping you. It’s nothing personal, it’s business. Trust is only for the select few.
Even the ones who have a legally binding fiduciary duty to act in your best interests will not act in your best interest. There’s many people who trusted their lawyers only to find out the lawyer was interested in enriching themselves at the expense of their client.
Everything is not your fault.
There’s so many other variables at play. There also might be a case where it’s not anybody’s fault. Trying to assign blame and think whose fault it is can be a losing game. It’s much more productive to not care about it and move on to more productive areas that are providing value.
“Everything is my fault” is counterproductive. It’s good to take ownership of your life. Not when it comes to take ownership of everything bad that’s going on in the world. It’s the little things that matter the most. Changing a negative mindset to a positive one is a great first step to bettering your life..
