There are people who are always complaining. The ones who believe they are always the victims and/or who are never satisfied with what they have. The best way to deal with them is to redirect the conversation and tactfully change the subject.
Studies show that cooperative team members are better for the team than toxic high impactful individual contributors. However, that doesn’t mean that team members who always complain don’t exist. There’s always that someone who lowers morale for everyone.
I’ve dealt with them before. They may be good at their jobs but they are toxic in the grand scheme of things. What got me surprised was that the company chose to keep them on! Even though they’ve seen firsthand how toxic they can be!
We denied one particular employee a request because the request was too risky. Then he marches straight into my boss’ office and screams at her why we’re not going through with the request. The whole office saw his behavior.
He was one of the ones always complaining why something doesn’t go through.
He eventually got reprimanded by his bosses. In either case, managing these people will be crucial because they exist. Even more so if you work for a large organization in large teams across the globe. Whether we like it or not, we will always be working with some bad apples in our lives.
Knowing how to deal and manage them is crucial.
How to Deal With People Who Are Always Complaining
Below are the 9 ways to deal with people who are always complaining. This is AFTER you’ve fielded them out and spent a fair bit of time with them to see what they’re like. Managing people is an important skill to level up your money and career.
1) Do Not Disagree with People Who Are Always Complaining
The ones who are always complaining loves people who disagree with them. It’s a feeding mechanism for them to complain even more. The last thing you want to give these people is more encouragement and ammunition to keep going with their complaints.
No matter how rational and valid your disagreement is, they will always figure out a way to believe their lives are not good. Or that they’re the victim. Or a hundred other things why they’re justified in their complaints. People, in general, do not accept direct disagreements on a good day.
On a day they already feel bad and like the victim? They will be even less likely to accept those disagreements. The chances of them accepting your disagreement and actually changing their mindset and behavior is less than zero. I know because I’ve been there.
The option to disagree shouldn’t ever cross your mind.
2) Listen and Nod
The best way to counteract those who are always complaining is to listen and nod. Communicate to them that you are listening to their complaints. This doesn’t mean that you are agreeing with their complaints but you at least have to communicate that you are listening.
Otherwise, they are always going to feel like they are never heard and their fears and thoughts are confirmed. The best way to change someone’s mind is to first, to acknowledge their points are valid. Not true. But valid. They’re allowed to feel the way that they feel.
If at the end of the day you want them to change their mindset to a more positive one, the least you can do is to listen to their concerns and complaints. A good therapist never directly tells a patient that they’re wrong. They indirectly get the patient to realize it all on their own.
That’s how you change minds and to prevent them from being defensive.
3) Don’t Empathize or Agree
Just as you shouldn’t disagree with people who are always complaining, you shouldn’t agree or empathize with them, either. That gives them more ammunition as well. Agreement or disagreement gives them more firepower and validation to keep going.
Yes, agreeing with them is better than disagreeing with them. However, it’s still not a good decision. When I agreed with the chronic complainers, they all liked me. As a result, they kept coming to me and complained even more as time went on! Which wasn’t good for me.
I get that it’s good to gather support from coworkers who’ll vouch for you by the end. However, it’s not good when it comes at the cost of your mental health. Your health comes first, first and foremost. You don’t want to encourage chronic complainers.
If you do, it’ll come at the cost of your mental health.
4) Redirect the Conversation
Coworkers constantly bombard us with questions we don’t want to answer. Coworkers routinely ask us where we live and how old we are. They do it when we are the most vulnerable so they’ll get an answer out of you. The best thing you can do is to redirect the conversation.
The simplest way to do it is to seemingly look like you’re answering the question and then hit them with another question so that you are the one in control. Whether we like it or not, redirecting the conversation is a skill we need to learn.
Coworkers WILL put you in a bad position. Especially the ones who are always complaining. Therefore, learning how to redirect the conversation is a skill that you need to learn and regain your sanity back. Coworkers don’t care about you, all they care about is whether they get the information they’re looking for.
That’s been my experience, anyway.
5) Ask if They’ve Thought of a Solution
Another subtle way to redirect the conversation is put the question back onto them. It’s time to ask them if they’ve thought of a solution. That’s subtly nudging them to understand that maybe they’re a part of the problem. Or that they shouldn’t be burdening you with their problems.
Getting someone who’s always complaining to come up with a solution themselves is a great way to manage and deal with them. As they slowly have to think independently, they are less likely to complain to you, a win-win.
The more they can come up with their own solution and think for themselves, the less you have on your plate. You have your own goals to worry about. Asking questions is a great way to deflect the conversation away from what you’re really thinking.
You avoid becoming the enemy, at the end of it all.
6) Keep Your Responses Brief
Another way to manage the ones always complaining is to be brief with them. Maybe it’s on a company messaging platform so you tell them with a 5 word answer instead of 2 complete sentences. Or you delay your response. People notice the little details like that, more than you know.
This is a tactic that I use when I deal with someone who is draining my time during work and prevents me from putting in the hours to get my work done. I sometimes even delay my responses by 10 – 30 minutes because I’m too busy and have to get my work done.
Keep your responses brief when dealing with people. Yes, it’s good to gather supporters and allies within your organization. However, what should come first and foremost is getting your work done. That’s what the company pays you for.
Managing office politics comes second.
7) Remind them How Busy You are With Work
No matter who your coworkers are, they cannot disrupt the flow of your work. This is your number one priority at work. Getting your work done. When you tell the ones who are always complaining that you are just busy with work, you are communicating to them what your priorities are.
They cannot disagree with you because it’s literally what the company pays you to do. You don’t have to communicate in a bad way, either. You can communicate that to them in a gentle way and they’ll get the message. They’ll come to you less and less.
Maybe you might hurt their feelings but that’s completely OK. When you have to choose between your work and their feelings you have no choice but to choose your work. That’s your first priority, above everything else.
Your performance improves and you get faced with less headaches.
8) Judge if They are Actually Correct to be Always Complaining
Sometimes, even if it seems like someone is always complaining, it’s actually true. Society generally dislikes complainers but even some of the chronic complainers have merit behind the complaints. Maybe a coworker was acting out maliciously.
Or maybe a company policy was actually being violated. No matter the case, there may be actual justifications for complaints and it may turn out to be true. One of the last resorts is to give the chronic complainers the benefit of the doubt.
They may just have a point. The world changes when you look at it from objective lens and not subjective ones. When I told many people I was suing a Fortune 500 company, many dismissed my claims. Telling me, “if you lose, you’re going to pay the other side’s legal fees” (legally untrue).
I ignored them and sued. The judge ruled in my favor. Sometimes, the complainers are actually correct.
9) As a Last Resort, Ignore the Ones Always Complaining
The final straw that you need to partake is to ignore the ones always complaining (see: how to ignore others). The more popular you get, the more pushback and complainers you get about your content and your messaging. As my Twitter account grew bigger and bigger, many trolls came to my detriment.
They would constantly look for ways why my ideas don’t work. I used to feed the chronic complainers even more by engaging with them. However, I stop engaging with them altogether now. It’s just much better for my mental health and sanity.
If that’s what it takes for you to get the job done for your boss to be happy, then it’s time to ignore them as a last resort. Sometimes, you just can’t take it anymore and that’s just what you have to do. It’s nothing personal but rather a strictly business decision.
Watch your productivity skyrocket as a result.
People Who Are Always Complaining are Bad
The ones who are always complaining doesn’t just lower your productivity. They lower the entire team’s morale as well. Including the boss. Big companies are slow to fire the employees because it costs a lot of money to replace employees. A good percentage of their salary, in fact.
Therefore, you may be forced to deal, manage, and engage with them. The best thing to do to manage chronic complainers is to engage with them less and less. It’s even better if you can get them to realize that their behavior has to be shifted.
Luckily, I haven’t dealt with many chronic complainers in my career so far. However, that doesn’t mean that there’s a nonzero chance I’ll deal with them down the road. There are many people with many different personalities in the corporate world.
Becoming a chameleon to deal with them is crucial into making your way into the corporate jungle. The corporate jungle is a complicated ecosystem with many players in the game to adjust your personalities to. If you figure out a way to deal with the the ones who are always complaining, you are doing well from a people management perspective.
Although the best thing to do is to have the option to avoid and ignore them but that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes, companies force you to work with them because there’s just no other choice. Successfully managing people who are always complaining is a great skill that many lack.
How to Deal With People Who Are Always Complaining: Shortlist
- Do not disagree with people who are always complaining
- Listen and nod
- Don’t empathize or agree
- Redirect the conversation
- Ask if they thought of a solution
- Keep your responses brief
- Remind them how busy you are with work
- Judge if they are actually correct to be always complaining
- As a last resort, ignore the ones always complaining
